


The Other Side of the Mirror

by Fjeril



Category: Ensemble Stars! (Video Game)
Genre: Angst, Fluff, M/M, Natsume's cats, Self-Hatred
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-19
Updated: 2018-05-19
Packaged: 2019-05-09 01:18:30
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,714
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14706396
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Fjeril/pseuds/Fjeril
Summary: Natsume wants to try and show Tsumugi how much he actually shines. Tsumugi just wishes to be enough not to fade his unit member's shine.





	The Other Side of the Mirror

The ferocious beast was growling, so loud his mustaches were vibrating. Its sharp gaze was focused on its prey, and his whole body was tense, ready to react to anything. Suddenly, its prey jumped a meter away, so the hunter jumped at the same moment, catching the creature between its paws, biting its head, back paws hitting it again and again. The prey wouldn't escape it alive!

"You really love this toy, **_don't you_**?"

The hunter briefly glanced at the person who had talked, before resuming its attack. Next to him, another beast was coming, sniffing him and the toy, before deciding it wasn't interested in all this. Instead, the second creature walked towards the human, politely touching the young man's arm to get his attention.

"You're really different from your sister, right, **_Nysrock_**?"

Setting himself on his knees, the Maine Coon responded with a majestuous "mrrlp", before he started purring. Smiling, his master started petting him with his free hand, the other one too busy with moving the toy Lamastu was attacking with all her strength. With a happy sigh, Natsume did his best to occupy the two cats. It helped him relax a lot: he had spent another day punching his senior because that idiot wasn't able to spend a day without blaming himself over litteraly everything. Sora had tried to refrain him from being too violent at first, before ending up encouraging him under the excuse his color needed to be changed.

The thought made him smile, though he wasn't completely happy with the results. Tsumugi, as always, had misunderstood why he acted the way he did, and was still sure Natsume hated him. And oh how _annoying_ was that. He wanted his senior to understand, to realize he was worth way more than what the student council president had made him a year earlier. He wanted Tsumugi to understand, to realize he had been there from the beginning, observing him, trying to get why such a nice and dedicated person would involve themself so much in such a fake friendship.

The results had been obvious: Tsumugi was nice and dedicated, and would do anything for his friends. Anything he believed he could do, at least, yet his self-esteem was so low that he had no idea how capable he really was, how gracious and enchanting he could be whenever he let himself stop thinking, and get into whatever he loved. Natsume had often caught him practicing alone, in the intimacy of the secret room, or at home when his family visited the Aoba and he hadn't noticed the red head showing up at his door. Tsumugi was mesmerizing, to the point the magician had found himself trapped by his charms more often than he could remember.

It was one of the reasons why he had put those huge, large-framed glasses on his friend: to try and not get distracted every time he turned toward his senior. Unfortunately, what he had thought was a good idea quickly turned against him. Oh, he should have known, considering for how long they had been around each other, yet every single time he turned towards his senior, he seemed to discover something new, something even more bewitching that before.

The young man sighed, noticing he was feeling quite hot despite the air conditioner being on. Nysrock seemed to enjoy that fact, at least, purring loudly, a smile drawn on his face. It only added to the uncomfortable heat Natsume felt. Moving his cat away broke his heart, but he decided he _had_ to do it, for he knew he couldn't survive if he didn't wash his face as soon as possible. So, he slid his hands in the soft fur, gently hodling the feline; but the creature decided he needed to change positions, and turned on his back, stretching out as much as he could.

"You know, you _are_ different from your sister, but you know how to be **_annoying, too_**."

If he were just a little bit more of a dreamer, he'd have sworn his pet was smiling mockingly. Fortunately, he wasn't as much a desperate case as the ones he called his brothers. He smiled, planted a huge kiss on his cat's belly, that had the effect he was hoping for: the feline let out a pouty "mrrr", accepting his fate, and made his way towards the comfortable pillow at the head of the young man's bed. Natsume smiled, and rushed towards the bathroom, to rinse his face with the sink's water.

When he looked at his face in the mirror, he was surprised to find it all red, much less to find his looks displeasing. Between Sora and Tsumugi, the only way he could shine was his magic. He was lucky he had had the best teachers. His mom was one of the best fortune teller on this side of the world, and his big brother Wataru was the most _amazing_ magician of their generation. At least, it would help their shows, in some kind of way. _I wouldn't be able to do that all alone._

\--------------------

Watching his reflection in the mirror, Tsumugi tried to style his hair another way. To put his contacts instead of his glasses, to try other kind of clothes, other styles. In the end, either he found himself disappointing, or he thought he looked just like when he was in _fine_. None of those pleased him, and he sighed in despair, before giving up and going back to his current looks. He silently cursed his curly hair, and his naivete, as soon as he lied on his bed. In his ears was playing the latest Switch song, on repeat, until he learned the lyrics by heart. He had practiced the choreography, too, but his brother had decided otherwise and heavily knocked at his door, shouting that he was making too much noise. So he had decided to train his voice; unfortunately, he had been making too much noise again, and had given up. Listening to the song again and again was the only solution he had been able to come up with.

His body hurt, anyway. Natsume had been without mercy that day, hitting him again and again. He had been punched, kicked, pinched, slapped, so much that he had had to erase his feelings, that day. It was alright, he was used to it - yet he wished Sora hadn't encouraged their leader when he had done so. His left arm still burnt from the punch it had recieved. Tsumugi rubbed his arm, took his earphones off. _Stop_ , he decided, _you're hurting yourself again, and for nothing._

When someone knocked at the door, he sighed once again. _I guess I'm thinking too loudly, now?_ He closed his eyes, and put a smile on his face while opening the door.

"I'm sorry I bothered you. I can stay at a friend's while you're working for exams. I guess it's better, right?"

The young man was expecting for his brother to accept and just leave, but instead, Ryota just looked at him with a raised eyebrow. The student sighed, and ruffled his younger brother's hair. Tsumugi was a tad surprised: he had expected to get scolded, or even just get an angry stare, not a nice gesture.

"Okay but no, that's not the problem. I saw your face, earlier, and I see it right now."

Tsumugi pointed at himself, wondering where his brother was going with such an obvious statement. He didn't think there was anything up with his face, except that he was a bit discheveled due to his tries to find a look that would please him, yet he hadn't done it when Ryota last saw him. And if it was to remind him about his looks, he didn't really need it. The older one sighed, and shook his head.

"There's no one else than you in this room, is there ? And you don't look too well. Let's both take a break and get an ice cream, what do you think about it?"

The young man stayed flabbergasted, blinking a few times. He wasn't too sure why Ryota was suggesting they got an ice cream, but he wouldn't refuse a treat from his elder. It was rare enough, after all.

"I guess it wouldn't be bad."

\------------------------

On the next morning, Natsume didn't walk towards the 2A class homeroom. Instead, he walked towards the 3A homeroom, rushing towards the papercup phone. He pulled it three times, hoping for one of the oddballs to pick it up, until Mademoiselle asked him:

"Is there something wrong? You seem distressed. Shu is worried."

He just smiled to the princess, and turned towards the cup phone. It had been picked up, and Natsume felt happy to hear his senior's voice.

"Shu? What is it, is something wrong?"

Trying to push the smile away from his face (a difficult task when he loved his big brothers that much), Natsume answered:

"It's **_Natsume_**. I need everyone as soon as possible, somewhere people won't **_come._** And if **_Tsumugi_** asks questions, just ignore **_him_**. He doesn't need to **_know_**."

_I don't want him to know. He'll worry too much and try every single thing to cheer me up or just learn about what's happening. He doesn't deserve the additionnal trouble..._

"Let us use the light music club," the vampire slowly replied, "I'll manage keeping it empty."

The red haired young man accepted, before he put an end to the call, and took his big brother's hand.

"Rei said we can use his **_appartments_**. Let's **_go._** "

Once they were all united in the closed, light music club room, Rei pouring tea to everyone, Natsume looked at the small package he had put in front of his knees. He wasn't very sure about what was inside and its effects, and that was why he wanted to consult his big brothers about it. He needed advices.

"So, Natsume. Please tell us more about whatever is bothering you, my child."

It was hard, to push how happy he was to be with them behind the emergency of his situation with Tsumugi - but he had to. He'd rejoice later, when his - their - problems, Natsume took a deep breath. He then looked at all his friends, in turns, who all looked quite worried - more than he had expected them to be, and maybe more than necessary. With an apologizing smile, the youngest of the group started to speak:

" _Tsumugi_ is bothering **_me_** ," he started.

Around him, jaded looks. Nobody spoke, and they all looked like they didn't even get _why_ the subject was important. But it _was_ , and yes, he knew why the others wouldn't be very enthusiastic about it. He sighed, explaining himself:

"I **_know_**. But he's still someone very dear to **_me_**. Anyway, whatever I do, his self-esteem doesn't go up, last time I even found him sat in the middle of book towers just so nobody could see **_him._** I've tried _e v e r y t h i n g_ and he still refuses to see himself as he **_is._** "

Natsume sighed once again, this time in despair.  He didn't know what to do anymore to show his childhood friend he was someone extraordinary, and that if he believe in himself, the audience's eyes wouldn't be able to leave him. _I just want everyone to see him like I do,_ he thought, aware that it was harder to do than to state. He didn't know if his big brothers would actually be able to help him, but their presence did him a lot of good.

"Natsume," Kanata was the first one to speak up and the sorcerer was glad about it, "are you still 'hitting' him?"

_Crap._ He couldn't lie, of course, but even though his big brother was smiling fondly, the glint in his eyes looked like he was ready to kill. The youngest oddball gritted his teeth, before clenching his fists. His senior had seen right through him. So, lowering his head, he admitted the truth:

"Yes, I _**am**_. I know I should stop, but it makes me so angry every time he blames himself for nothing, I can't hel-

\- I don't care," his senior interrupted, his voice neither cold nor dry, "you should learn how to 'refrain' yourself. Or to hit him more 'gently', at least. Don't you think he needs to be handled 'gently'?"

Biting his lips, Natsume lowered his head. He wanted to reply that no, Tsumugi didn't deserve that, that he still needed to pay for what he had participating in doing to all of them, but Kanata's eyes weren't accepting any "no". So, he silently nodded, letting his smile fall a little. His gaze fell on the packet at his feet, and he took it between his hands, to try and show it to the others:

"I prepared this to try and raise his _**self-esteem**_. They're self-love time bombs, and I poured all my love in them, but will it be _**enough**_...?"

_No it won't_ , of course. If handmade cookies were enough to cure depression or any other kind of mental illness, then nobody would ever be sad anymore - and even if he had poured his prayers in every single one of them, it wouldn't magically turn Tsumugi into a more confident version of himself, right?

"Oh, Natsume," the magician spoke up, making the sorcerer's heart jump, "did you devote your entire self to their creation? Did you try to move mountains with the stregnth of your love? Have you tried to bring the moon to you so you could take a bit of it and make it into a cookie?"

Before Natsume could even think about an answer to any of these questions, Wataru was on his feet:

"Amazing☆! Let's make these bombs even more efficient!"

\----------------------------

Tsumugi felt sorry for his classmates. He knew he would be scolded by Nito the next day. They would all be, because the three oddballs from their class had disappeared before the bell had even rung the beginning of their first class, and Tsukinaga was gods knew where again. _I'll try and make him a charm to apologize_ , Tsumugi thought, correcting his position. He frowned at his reflection in the mirror, stopped the song to start it all over again. It had to be _perfect_ , or at least close to perfect. Close enough not to be a bother to the other two. Close enough to disappear in the synchronicity of their choreography. Natsume and Sora needed to shine, at least. And his pitiful self, _oh, whatever_ , he was already dead, after all.

A nostalgic smile made its way to his lips. While dancing, he remembered their childhood. When Natsume's mother used to dress him as a girl so he could enter the Aoba idol school for girls as a debt repayment, when the both of them would spend time together at breaks or in the evening, their mothers having a coffee together and the two of them happily playing around in the house.

And then losing track of each other for just a few years, until the name _Sakasaki_ appeared in the school's files. Tsumugi had thought it was a mistake, at first, until he discovered that indeed, the cute girl he had know when they were children had never been one, and worse, that Natsume wanted to forget everything about that period of time. In the meantime, he had been helping Tenshouin, assisting him in the destructions of the oddballs. Hadn't even protested when the emperor had asked him to add his childhood friend as one of the oddballs.

His dance moves got hastier, more violent. He just wanted to get rid of it all - of the harm he had caused, of the pain he knew would never completely leave the one person that held a special place in his heart. The bruises on his arms and belly hurt, but it was good: he had deserved it all. It probably would never hurt as much as the pain he had caused, so it was okay. _I wouldn't even deserve to protest if he were about to kill me._

Breathing had gotten difficult. It hurt, it burnt while he was dancing. He barely even noticed the movement of the door's reflection, his movements getting more and more precise, more and more violent. Suddenly, his stomach hurt, and Tsumugi fell on the floor. The ground looked blurry, but somehow it didn't seem like it was just due to his glasses being away from his nose. _Where are they?!_ He started trying to find them, but even on the fake wooden floor, they weren't blue enough to be found. Besides, the thrid year found himself unable to distinct were the room stopped and where the the mirrors actually started. It was frustrating and really, annoying. _I'll have to fumble around, very nice..._ Tsumugi sighed, extended a hand -  and noticed his stomach still hurt.

"You're **_stupid_**."

The third year startled: wasn't he supposed to be alone in there? He turned his head, only to find a very red and blue spot in his field of vision. Immediately, he bit his lip, and lowered his head. _Yes, I know_. But did he even have a choice? He was behind the other two on every single point - looks, dance, singing voice. What solution was there for him, besides practice?

"Maybe I am," Tsumugi smiled, "But I'm fine with it. I'll keep being stupid until I actually deserve my place in here."

If he couln't see his leader's expression, his aura suddenly seemed harder, and he expected to get hit in some way or another. Closing his eyes, Tsumugi waited for the pain. Natsume was silent, so he prepared himself for something huge. _It's alright. As long as I can move, it's alright._ The hit seemed surprisingly long to come, or maybe he hadn't felt it yet: there was a strange sensation on his temples, and - _oh._

"You're really stupid, **_Tsumugi_**. Why the hell would you even ruin your **_health_**. Take **_this._** "

Something cold hit his forehead. When he opened his eyes, Tsumugi could see a bottle roll towards the closet wall. He got up to pick it up, ignoring the pain, and finally hydrated himself. When he turned back towards Natsume, his friend had disappeared, leaving only a small packet behind him. Tsumugi frowned, walking towards the packet. There was a notice on top of it.

_"Eat one of these every time you feel down. They're very special bombs so you'd better appreciate them."_

_Bombs?!_ Tsumugi looked at the fancily decorated packet in horror, before frowning. Natsume was most definitely the kind of person who would be able to create an actual bomb, but he probably wouldn't put the words "eat one of these" on actual bombs. With all the precaution in the world, the third year opened the red and blue packet, only to find smaller ones in it.

"I guess it wouldn't hurt trying one right now, would it?"

He was actually feeling down - or rather, it was quite rare for him to feel anything but down - so he opened one. Inside was a colorful cookie, with chocolate chips. When he took it out the blue wrapping, a folded paper fell from it. Intrigued, he took the paper. _Maybe I shouldn't open it. He probably forgot it there, or something..._ Putting the paper on the chair, he ate the cookie, not expecting much. But he had to admit, it was delicious, to the point all the pain he was feeling seemed to heal even a little. He smiled, and hesitated to take a second one.

_Do I still feel bad?_

Looking at his reflection in the mirror, Tsumugi decided he liked his current smile, and closed the packet. Before putting it in his bag, he checked the piece of paper: somehow, he couldn't help but feel a little curious about it. As if... Some kind of magic was coming from it. Smiling again, the young man dared opening the paper. If Natsume's magic was calling for him, he couldn't do anything but comply.

" _Your skills are higher than you want to recognize."_

The letters were written in red ink, almost the color of blood - Tsumugi hoped it wasn't actually written with blood, or he would be the one who'd punch the other, for once. Folding the paper once again, he put hit in his jacket's pocket.

"Thank you, Natsume."

He changed, left the studio, turning the lights off. For once, there was a smile on his lips.

\--------------------

During the next weeks, there wasn't a day the packet had left Tsumugi's bag. Every time he felt himself about to fall down, the third year ate one of the biscuits - he would excuse himself to do so, though, as if he didn't want to be seen. And always came back with a smile; Natsume concluded that his magic had the right effect. Yet, he was a bit nervous, every single time, and just hoped Tsumugi wouldn't take _that one_ before he had eaten the others. He sometimes even regretted putting that one in the packet, knowing there was no way it would actually confort his friend - but he just _had_ to write it down. And then, Wataru had insisted that he left it in anyway.

Tsumugi couldn't affirm his depression was cured; it would have been quite pretentious from him to say anything like that; but he was feeling way better after just a week. Coincidentally, he had noticed Natsume's smile was growing wider, too, despite the nervousness he displayed, lately. As for Sora, he didn't know if he had any idea what was going on - Natsume probably had informed him, but Tsumugi couldn't say he was a hundred percent sure of that - but the first year seemed extra energic, too. It felt good, and even though the older of the three knew he still missed some of his steps, and coudn't help but be embarrassed, the weight of despair was lighter on his shoulders.

The last cookie was eaten on an evening, after both classes and practice had ended. He had been working at the library, where only few people went: Kanzaki had sat somewhere in silence to read books about samurais, but Tsumugi had had to get him out of the library when he had been displeased by the story and had tried to slice the book with his weapon. A few first years had been consulting books, but ended up making noise instead of actually studying, so he had to remind them to stay calm a few times. That had been at least as tiring as the times people were coming on the stage for Natsume's predictions during Switch's lives. He was glad that period had ended, because he wasn't sure he would have been able to handle it longer.

With a sigh, he opened his bag, took the packet. It was the last cookie, and somehow, it made him a little sad. Natsume's words had helped him a lot, and he kept them close to his heart so he could read them over and over again, whenever he didn't feel good. So knowing there wouldn't be any more was kind of sad, for him. But he had to deal with it. The last cookie. The only one wrapped in red paper. All the others were in blue or yellow wrappings, but that one, the last one, was in Natsume's color. He didn't know if his friend had done it on purpose or not - he probably had, Switch's leader wasn't one who left things unplanned.

Taking a deep breath, he gently opened the wrapping, smiling when he saw the cashew nuts instead of the chocolate chips. He enjoyed every single bit of it, his smile coming back to his lips, while the sun was setting behind the trees. Once he was finished eating, his fingers were playing with the paper. He didn't want to open it, for he didn't want it to be over. But it had to, didn't it?

His smile was a little bitter, and time seemed to have gone slower. He slowly opened the paper, nervous at the idea of reading the last of Natsume's words of encouragement.

But the words weren't of encouragement. They were words he hadn't ever expected from his leader.

" _I love you."_

His hands were shaking, and his vision was getting blurry. He felt terribly hot, and didn't know how he was supposed to react. Pretty sure he had misread it, he looked a second time at the message, but the words were the exact same. Tsumugi couldn't sit still, and decided to stand up, and look around him, in the hope that nobody was around, because he was completely panicked.

Hidden behind the bushes, Natsume clicked his tongue. Stupid Tsumugi was embarrassed, definitely, but clearly not giving any sign of what he actually felt. He had hoped the message, and its sincerity, would have made him happy, but the risk had been there from the beginning. And that was why he had been observing his senior, hidden as well as he could.

In the hope to try and stop Tsumugi's panic, he left his hiding place, and walked towards the bench his senior was gravitating around. He sighed, and tried to find anything to stop him, but the only thing that came to his mind was to hit Tsumugi. And he had promised his big brothers he wouldn't hit his senior again. So, instead, he put both his hands on the blue haired man's shoulders. The effect was immediate, but not exactly the most successful one: Tsumugi was still red, and his gaze was turning everywhere, except where Natsume hoped it would look. _As expected from someone you just confessed to,_ he thought. _I guess it can't be helped._

" ** _Tsumugi_**."

Suddenly, his senior took deep breathes, seeming to finally calm down.

"N-Natsume, I, I-..."

Even though he knew he shouldn't, the younger one found that attitude cute, and couldn't help but chuckle.

" ** _Tsumugi._** Calm **_down._** "

The senior took deep breathes again. Tsumugi finally seemed to find his spirits, though his cheeks were still red.

"It's **_alright_**. It was just a **_confession_**. It's just what I **_feel_**. You don't have to answer them if you don't feel like doing **_so_**. I just... Wanted you to know," he explained, not taking the care to accentuate the last word like he used to, "I wanted to let you know that somebody loved you."

_That_ I _love you._

Tsumugi's mind went blank. He had read that well, and they weren't just words put on a paper. He _thought_ them. The same feelings that were overflowing from his heart, the ones he had thought he had to erase. He couldn't even start to figure out how that was possible. Was it even possible? And besides, how was _he_ supposed to transmit his answer? Oh, he knew what Natsume had said. But he also knew his heart was going to explode if he kept it all for himself, now that the situation had changed. So, he gazed towards his leader, looking for the right words.

"...Tsumugi?"

He was utterly panicked, and his whole body was screaming to him to just flee, but it wouldn't solve anything if he did.

"Natsume... Thank you for all of this," he started, "Each of your messages helped me a lot. And, thank you for calming down on the whole hitting thing."

The bruises had disappeared, and some of those in his heart seemed to have healed, too. Even Sora had taken him apart a few times, to ask him if he had noticed about the change in Natsume's attitude. They both had appreciated it. He had never imagined what was behind it.

But it was time. Time to admit what he had always pushed away because of his low self-esteem, time to forget to be scared. It was _terrifying_.

"I've loved you for so long," he almost whispered, "but I've always thought I didn't deserve someone like you."

The hands left his shoulders to cup his face. They were soft, and warm; a little moist, too, probably from nervousness. _And I thought I was the only one who's stressed._

"Shut up, **_Tsumugi_**. You deserve the **_world_**."

 

**Author's Note:**

> Phew, thanks for reading!  
> This is my first shot at an actual, Natsumugi focused work. I know some things might not be accurate and some characters might be a tad ooc, so I'll take any advice to get better at writing them!


End file.
